Mivtzoim

Our 5 year old came home from Cheder with a Six Flags Reading Log. If she reads enough books, she will get a free ticket to the amusement park.
I don't want to take my family to Six Flags. Too many inappropriately dressed people doing inappropriate things and speaking inappropriately. This is based on lots of experience in the summers bringing my campers.

Anyway, I tell her it's not a Jewish place, so we can have her read and give her a different prize, instead.
She says, "But Tatty, we can do mivtzoim there!"

Tashlich

I asked my 3 year old daughter to tell me about Tashlich. She said we throw our aveiros into the water.
"You'll be throwing your Aveiros in?" I asked.
"No, I don't have Aveiros. Only Tatty."

When we were finished throwing my aveiros into the water, we got ready to go. My 5 year old daughter asked me if I could do some more aveiros so we could throw them in, too, and stay longer.

Overheard

"But I don't want to eat the yummy crunchy quinoa that Mommy made."

Miracles in our times

In our old apartment, if my daughter asked you, "Want to see a miracle?" she would proceed to show you the scorch mark on the carpet after she and her sister managed to successfully (unsuccessful?) light a match.
They were told it's a miracle they didn't set the whole carpet on fire.

Just you wait

My wife once texted me about one of our princesses:
"Actually wait till she starts carrying Afghan forces."

Mon From Shomayim!

My wife caught my two oldest girls in the kitchen. Our 3-year-old was standing on top of their slide, as a make-shift ladder to reach up high into the kitchen cabinets. She had the sprinkles, and was gleefully showering them down onto her little sister, who was trying to catch them with her mouth.
"It's Mon from Shomayim!" she happily laughed.

Kiss her boo-boos

I was commiserating with my two-year-old about all her boo-boos.
She then sticks out her finger, which I proceed to kiss.

Uch. It wasn't a boo-boo she was showing me... it was her booger. Gross.

Yasher Koach!

Tatty, I made a big poop on the potty. Can you say Yasher Koach?

Burn the House Down!

In a store with her mother, my daughter yelled out loud, "Burn the house down!!!!"
Horrified, my wife looked around to see what damage control would be necessary. Normal girls don't address strangers in grocery stores with such announcements, you see.
"What are you talking about?"
My wife wisely concluded soon after that our daughter was repeating the story of the Alter Rebbe and Napolean...
Funny, right?
What would you have thought if you heard a sweet little girl make this announcement in your aisle?

Anatomy Lessons

When I give my girls a bath, I learn about body parts I never knew existed.
For example, after I soap their armpits, we move next to the legpits.